I need motivational help i need inspirational help anything please?

well im a water polo player i started in november of last year i havent been on the team muuch but ive ben on for a good 8 months and ive improved very much, yet my coach doesnt let me get in games i dont see how he expects me to become good if he doesnt help me and today we had a friendly match he told me to get dressed after doign my fitness and or to go home or shut up and watch..i feel really shitty i dont wanna give up but hes making me hate myself so much yet i try so ******* hard..i havent missed out alot of trainings im improving he even said so but im not that good in matches and i dont know how good i should be he doesnt help me to become good because he doesnt let me in the matches between us in training i dont know what to do to become better..i need help inspriational help please