I seriously need some advice. PLEASE!?

Hey My name is Justin I am having problems be more sociable. I am very introverted. I play out all the senarios in my head and if it is going to hurt me than what is the point in saying anything at all. I SERIOUSLY KNOW EVERYTHING. I am 22 I live in Thailand teaching. I am an american. I have depression Anxiety. Tired of living here but where can i go. Back to the states would suck. Get a normal job. Screw that. I only have my ged. I have made allot of mistakes in my life. I know what i want I just want to have a companion. I dont know how to talk to thais. I dont even like thais that much. I have had many gfs and they were all crap. Not what I'm looking for. My worst mistake in my life was when I screwed my dads wife. than after i spent 1 year and a half taking care of her. giving her all my money and i couldnt leave i didnt know how to talk to thais and i was scared that they might take advantage of me. So I stayed with her to survive. than i finnally got out. FINNALLY So now i am olone have been for 2 years now in thailand going from job to job trying to make it. Which its been ok but just not what i want. To much drinking and smoking. I am tired. I just dont want to be alone anymore. I hate it. With no money. Barely any money always afraid of losing my job or people wont like me. i am just a surviver. I play senerios in my head if it is bad i wont do it. So i am hurting all the time. yes i am scared. scared of people. though i go here i go there. I dont like life. I think its all crap. I think most people are stupid. I am not enjoying anymore i never was. I beat myself up for my past. Though i want more friends and people to like me but i dont know how? nobody knows my situation. I like thailand cause i dont have to be arround my stupid family and listen to there crap. I want help but if the senerio is bad i wont do it. I kep myself from harm. And i freaking know!!! I try to think whats good for my future. I want to have a gf here and just be with her forever. I want someone to take care of me which is bad i know. I dont want to work anymore. I dont want to do anything. I am tired. Ben alone for too long. Though i still think there are things i can do here before i go back to the states. Its just so hard. Also I want someone to completly understand me and i her so like my soulmate. I want an internet dating site but i dont have credit cards and since ia m here illegally things are limited. Though no one seems to freaking understand. I AM HERE WITH NO VISA. want to get it fixed and improve my life. Though i need money!! GET IT! I have a job now though if i want results now cause i have bbeen threw so much ****!! So if i get fired from this job than its not fair man cant someone give me a break jesus!! NOT FAIR!! Nobody knows my pain. You think it would be fun for me here but its not!! its only fun when you have money and arnt illegally here. I came here cause my dad thought it would be good for me. By the way. i have no one to listen to me!